By Tiffany Yelverton

Your child comes home from school, tosses a backpack by the door, and asks, “Can you swim on your period?” Maybe the question arrives while you’re driving to swim practice. Maybe there’s no question at all, just a sudden reluctance to go.

For tweens, puberty isn’t a single talk or a worksheet. It’s a changing body, new feelings, a bathroom at school they may dread using, and information from friends and screens that may or may not be right. The good news for California families is that our public schools have a strong sexual health education law. The other good news? You don’t have to wait for a school lesson to make your child feel prepared.

What California schools teach and when

California’s Grade 5 health standards address the structure and function of the reproductive system, changes during puberty, and hygiene practices, including the use of sanitary products. Those are state standards, though; they are not a promise that every fifth grader gets the same detailed lesson on the same day. Ask your school what it teaches in fourth, fifth and sixth grade, and look at the actual materials. (www2.cde.ca.gov)

Under the California Healthy Youth Act, public school students must receive comprehensive sexual health and HIV prevention education at least once in middle school and once in high school. The instruction must be age appropriate and medically accurate. It includes menstrual health, pregnancy and contraception, STI prevention, healthy relationships and decision-making. Schools may teach age-appropriate sexual health content earlier, but comprehensive sex education is not a statewide K–6 requirement. Parents can inspect the instructional materials and receive notice before the lessons. (cde.ca.gov)

That gives our kids a strong foundation. It doesn’t mean a classroom covers every question your tween has. A conversation at home can name the vulva (the external genital area), the vagina (the internal canal), the uterus and the clitoris without embarrassment. Accurate names make it easier for children to ask about their bodies, describe a symptom and speak up about a boundary.

The period talk needs to happen before the first period

Periods often begin around age 12, but timing varies. A first period can look like light brown spotting rather than the bright red blood a child may expect. Cycles can also be irregular at first. Tell your tween what a period is in plain language: the uterus builds a lining, and when there is no pregnancy, that lining leaves the body as menstrual blood through the vagina. It’s a body process, not an emergency or a reason to feel ashamed. (HealthyChildren.org)

Then get practical. Show them where supplies live at home, how to change a product, how to wrap and throw away a disposable one, and whom to ask at school. If they are out and about, suggest asking a woman in the restroom for help, as they understand what is happening. Pack a small pouch with a product they already know how to use, spare underwear and a sealable bag for damp clothes. Added bonus to include Midol and a piece of chocolate. 

California public schools serving grades 3–12 must stock free menstrual products in designated student restrooms, but knowing where the restroom and supplies are can make the first day far less stressful. (School Facilities (CA Dept of Education))

There’s no prize for tolerating severe pain. Some cramps are common; pain that repeatedly keeps a child out of school or sports, very heavy bleeding, or bleeding that worries them deserves a conversation with their pediatrician. A first period that hasn’t arrived by age 15 is also worth discussing with a clinician. (ACOG)

Yes, they can swim and surf on their period

Living in Southern California means the water is part of life. A period doesn’t automatically mean missing swim lessons, a pool party or a morning surf. The right option depends on your child’s flow, comfort and the time they’ll spend in the water. Let them choose; learning a new product for the first time in a beach bathroom is nobody’s idea of fun.

• Period underwear can replace a pad on land or provide backup, depending on the garment’s absorbency and the flow. Regular period underwear isn’t designed for swimming. Pack a dry pair for after the water and wash it according to its label.
• Period swimwear is made for use in the water. Check the maker’s absorbency guidance and fit; some styles work best for light flow or as backup. Try it at home or at the pool before counting on it for a long surf session, and change into dry clothes afterward. Here are some top rated brands. 
• Tampons can be used for swimming if your tween wants to try one. Use the lowest absorbency that works, follow the package directions, and never leave one in longer than eight hours. There’s no need to push a child who isn’t comfortable with one.
• Menstrual cups collect blood internally and can work for swimming and sports. They take practice to insert and remove, so try one at home first if your tween is interested. Follow that cup’s instructions for cleaning and wear time; cups generally need removal at least every 12 hours. A menstrual disc is another internal option, with its own fit and care instructions, but can be more difficult to use.
• Pads are great on land, especially for a first period, but they absorb pool or ocean water and won’t function well while swimming. 

A dry towel, a change of clothes and a private place to change matter as much as the product. If a child doesn’t want to swim that day, that choice deserves respect, too.

Share “secrets” that you’ve learned throughout the years like wearing black undies and dark pants when on your period. And let them know that leaks happen, day and night… It’s nothing to be ashamed of. It happens to the best of us, no matter how prepared we are. 

Other products that can add comfort and confidence

The vagina is self-cleaning and synthetic fragrances should be avoided to “mask” natural odors. Our personal favorite for washing intimate areas is Sliquid Splash, a pH balanced body wash that uses mineral salts and essential oils vs. harsh chemicals. 

Installing a handheld shower head or faucet water diverter will help cleansing and rinsing, which is important to remove any soap residue. 

If your teen is in and out of the water regularly, their vulvar skin may become dry and irritated. Teaching skin care of this delicate area is just as important as facial skin care. Using an intimate moisturizer, as needed, will hydrate skin dried out from chlorine. Add product to a travel-sized jar for their intimate kit. Creating a silicone barrier prior to pool time will help to protect the delicate tissues also. Uberlube Silicone Lubricant in its own refillable traveler is perfect for any areas prone to chafing and on the external vulva for added protection. 

Talk about more than bleeding

Tweens notice body hair, breast development, acne, sweat, growth spurts and feelings of attraction at different times. They may compare themselves with friends or wonder if something about them is “late” or “weird.” Try: “Bodies don’t all follow the same schedule. What have you heard about this?” Then listen before launching into an explanation.

This is also the age to practice everyday consent: asking before a hug, respecting “no,” knowing that they can change their mind, and telling a trusted adult if someone crosses a boundary. If they come across sexual content online or hear a startling claim from a friend, make it safe to bring that to you. “I’m glad you asked” can keep the next conversation open.

It is at the age of puberty that girls begin to lose confidence and assert their knowledge and skills. I believe this originates from the pleasure gap. I’ll go into that in Part 2. 

Our schools can teach medically accurate facts. At home, we can make those facts usable: You can ask me anything. Your body belongs to you. A period should never keep you in the dark or automatically keep you out of the ocean. It allows women to bring all life to earth.